Sometime back I wrote about the matter of change. Specifically, change which is not of our own choosing. The kind of change which is, perhaps, thrust upon us, and which rarely leaves us with that warm and fuzzy feeling. As unwilling subjects, we reluctantly go along with the program, very likely kicking and screaming (metaphorically, of course) all along the way.

But what about the changes which we DO choose? Even if they involve a long-held dream, propel us into a grand new experience, or change our circumstances in any way for the better, there will still be a modicum of stress involved. Sometimes, ALOT of stress. Don't expect that just because you've finally taken the big step that all will instantly be a walk in the park. With whatever change you make your own, you must be prepared for the consequences, ( a process which can dictate a great deal of pressure and unexpected detours before the final result is fully achieved).

Let me give you an example. Several years before my late husband retired, we made what, for us, was the monumental decision of moving across country, thousands of miles from friends and family. As native Californians this was a huge step, yet something was driving us to make the change. Thinking that we could skip off to our dream destination as soon as retirement was in full swing, we were crestfallen when reality set in. It took approximately five years from inception of our plan to its actual accomplishment. In between time there were many failed attempts to sell our business and our home, as well as a multitude of other "events". Once the move was actually accomplished, there were, of course, many adjustments to be made. As we realized that we had signed up for this journey, we tended to all of the hurdles with willing hearts (for the most part!) However, what I, personally was not prepared for was the emotional tailspin that I went into in feeling a sense of isolation and separation from what I had known. It seemed ludicrous that now that I was in one of the most beautiful places in the country, living my envisioned dream, I had somehow spiraled into being an emotional basket case. It took almost one full year before I could fully realize that the change that I had chosen WAS really a good thing.  Thank God I did not give in to the state of mind that kept repeating "Maybe you should never have left California…."

 This is what I mean by having a willingness to accept the consequences of your decisions, even if they take you down a slightly indirect, yet temporary, path somewhere along the way. The ability to choose for ourselves does not assure instant gratification. As alluded to earlier, stress is often a very real component of change of any kind. Change which takes us out of our routine and catapults us 180 degrees has the potential to shake us to our very core. It may take a awhile for us to find our footing, even if we are now where we said we wanted to be.

Finally, there is the matter of family. Or friends. Or colleagues. In fact, ANYONE who doesn't understand just why you HAVE made, ARE making, or WILL make the change that you propose. Be prepared. Those who are relatively short-sighted or who may think they possess all the answers may try to undermine you. Sometimes it is because they themselves are afraid to try the very thing that you have chosen to do. Perhaps, as in the case of an elderly relative of mine, they are simply controlling. If you are faced with these "dream dashers", ask yourself these questions: "How will I feel when all these people are gone from my life and I have failed to make those choices I really wished to make? Will I be able to comfortably---and without regret---live with my decisions at that time?" Believe me, if you show resolve, most, if not all of the naysayers, will eventually come around.

Change of your own choosing can be scary. It can be intimidating and it can be life -changing. It can, and often does, involve a great deal of work and a huge dose of resolve. And it can be a virtual roller coaster ride of highs and lows.

However, it can also be exciting, empowering, and terrifically fulfilling. So don't be afraid to live the life you see for yourself. The choice is yours.

We all have it, but we don't always take advantage of it. It speaks to us often, and in a multitude of ways, yet we frequently disregard its wise urgings. When we do follow its promptings, we often call the result a mere coincidence. Why do we so habitually ignore this inner guide which has only our best interests at heart?
 
Perhaps we resist the idea of giving up control. Maybe it's that we want what we want and consequences be damned. Or, perhaps, we simply don't trust ourselves enough to interpret the message that we're getting. We doubt, we question, and we analyze until we all but collapse in mental confusion. If you are not practiced at grasping your intuitive thoughts when they arise, you could entirely overlook them or, possibly, mistake them for something else all together.
 
So, how do we work with---and not against---our intuitive self? Well, believe it or not, the answer is amazingly simple. It is called the principle of "first thought, best thought." That's it, that's all there is to it. Except that, in practicing this approach, you must actually accept the first thought which you are being given and act upon it without reasoning it out or dissecting its validity. No second-guessing allowed here.
 
Intuitive thought is instinctual knowledge which doesn't necessarily come with a lot of bells and whistles. It tends to come gently, with no particular fanfare. It may appear as a thought which seems odd, unlikely, or out of place, but that does not make it wrong. Of course, it is also possible for your intuition to present its truth with some degree of force, creating a full sense of "knowing" which permeates your entire being. More than likely, though, this could be the exception rather than the rule.
 
One of my favorite tests of  the "first thought, best thought" process came in my years of classwork doing psychometry with a partner. (If you're not familiar with psychometry, it is the practice of holding an object in order to obtain impressions about the object's owner.) In the exercise we students were instucted not to question the impressions which we received, but rather to express them just as they came to us. Again and again the most mundane and seemingly incongruous thoughts were verified as both accurate and meaningful by the person for whom we were "reading". Once we were able to get ourselves out of the way, the process became simpler and more reliable. The wonderful thing about being able to receive such immediate feedback is that it increases one's self confidence in her own abilities. In the real world, this may take alittle longer to achieve, but its well worth the wait. 
 
One wise teacher once described intuition as a "muscle". Just like any muscle of the body, the more you work with it, the more it works with you. Ignore it and it will atrophy. One does not have to be a psychic or a spiritual medium to enjoy its benefits. You may never have been particularly aware of your intuitive self, yet it has always been there. Unfortunately, when we suppress it, we close off a very natural and intrinsic part of ourselves.
 
One thing I have found in my own life is that if a thought, a doubt, or an idea keeps coming up again and again, one should definitely pay attention. If there is something which we are not acting upon, our inner voice will nag us unmercifully. Intuition does not need to utilize the five senses to obtain answers. It is our direct connection to our Higher Self and beyond. Its only boundaries are those which we ourselves set, whether knowingly or unknowingly.
 
As with many areas of self development, coming into full partnership with your intuitive self is a matter of practice. Ask for help in this endeavor, whether from a trusted teacher or your own guidance. Above all, be patient and remain committed to the task at hand. One of the greatest gifts which you receive just may be the gift of self reliance.

Here in the South the azaleas and rhododendrons have already set their buds for spring. Though the ground is covered in a thin layer of white, and the hours may pass in bitter cold, these glories of nature somehow know to prepare for the warmer days ahead. It is within their very essence to do so, despite any outward encouragement from Mother Nature. Theirs is a faithful preparation for rebirth into those exquisitely verdant times ahead. They know that at the God-appointed moment, and not a minute before, they will open into full abundance. We could take a lesson from this.
 
Nature takes life and its respective timing on a matter of instinctive "faith", if you will. No matter that leaves may fall or summer flowers may wither, for there will always be a new and, perhaps, even more glorious replacement, in time. The wise knowing of the Universe keeps all of nature humming along just fine, thank you. Nature doesn't muddy itself up with "what ifs?" and "if onlys". It instinctively expects and receives what it needs. Did I mention that we could take a lesson from this?
 
Perhaps we need to make a sincere inventory of where our faith and expectations lie. If we claim to live in faith, but often find ourselves fearing - or creating - the worst, maybe we have a little work to do. When belief and expectation are not in sync, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment in its many guises. Remember the wise words of James Allen: "They themselves are makers of themselves." No permanent nor desired change will take place in our lives lest we allow it.
 
For me, this first month of the New Year has always been about going within, setting my goals, and cleaning out (sometimes literally) that which may have been pushed aside in the busy rush of the holidays. This latter clearing out process allows me to go forward without too much unneeded distraction. I have referred to it before as good mental feng shui.
 
I no longer make New Year's resolutions, having learned some time ago that January is really not the most favorable time for that. (I have been told that is why so many New Year's resolutions fail.) Rather the spiritual year, which begins with the Fall Equinox, is a more propitious time for this practice. It certainly makes more sense to me to work with the natural energies than against them.
 
January is, however, the time for setting intention for the coming twelve months. "What's the difference?", you might be saying. Well, according to our friend Webster, resolution has "...the quality of fixed purpose, determination, and firmness." Intention is "a plan or aim". I do sense a difference here.
 
Hans King recommends that all intentions be committed to paper within the first seven days of the year. Put that precious list in an envelope and place it somewhere safe, only to be taken out and looked at again on New Year's Eve 2013.
 
Take a cue from Nature.You may be pleasantly surprised at what faith and properly placed expectation can accomplish in your life in just twelve short months.
 
And, to all of you and yours, abundant blessings for the most extraordinary year yet!

We call this the season of hope, yet, for many, this time of year only serves to magnify the seeming hopelessness within us. Though we struggle to enjoy the magnificent sights and sounds which this time brings forth, we often continue to feel a hollow, unsettled sensation which preempts that much longed-for feeling of inner peace. This feeling of "unease", while not confined to the holidays, may be experienced far too frequently, perhaps even consistently by some of us. The heightened awareness of this is often swept under the rug during the holidays, if for no other reason than that we manage to keep ourselves insanely busy, thus placing our focus somewhere else. At least, for the time being, this may seem to work, though at some future date we will be forced to deal with that which plagues us. In the meantime, our "issue" will continue to sit in the back of our minds, slowing poisoning our mind, body, and spirit. If we are to have the peace, harmony, and happiness which we so rightly deserve, we must advocate on our own behalves.
 
So what is it that we can do to move from where we are in hopelessness to where we wish to be in hope? Whatever plan we choose to lay out, we must engage our entire selves in the process. Prayer, affirmation, and visualization may play an integral part, but without our commitment to action on the physical plane, our efforts may be greatly delayed, or even short-circuited. We must be clear as to what we want, and then be willing to do that which is necessary to bring it about. A muddy or wishy-washy approach will produce a wishy-washy result. I know this from experience. Timing must sometimes be left to Spirit, though it is perfectly ok to include a timeline in your plan, if you wish to do so. If you are unsure of what might be in your best interest, you can always state your case by following it up with "...this or something better." In the Science of Mind teachings of my younger years, employing this simple tag line produced a number of  unexpected "miracles", many of which could not have been otherwise anticipated.
 
Through the course of actively digging oneself out of the pit of hopelessness, something quite marvelous begins to happen. In the mere act of working your plan, hope begins to find you. As a committed co-creator of your personal experience, a feeling of confidence and expectation will fill you, perhaps slowly at first, then with more assuredness as time goes on. Remember that most of those situations in life which we deem hopeless, do, in fact, have an answer. Just because we cannot see that answer from our perspective, does not mean that it does not exist.
 
 Perhaps we are far too close to our problem to feel effective in our prayer work. That is when we turn the matter of prayer over to someone else. This brings us to one last point. Do not isolate yourself. Periods of time spent with your own thoughts are fine, but communing with chosen friends and loved ones is vital. We do not exist in a vacuum. We are meant to share this earthly experience with others.
 
In my life, a metaphsically-leaning church and study in New Thought teachings long ago pulled me from a place of powerlessness (as I perceived it) to a place of possibility. People of like mind inspired and supported me, and their words still resonate in my soul. This does not mean that, at times, I do not struggle, and, yes, even feel momentarily hopeless. We must first step out upon the path to hope, no matter how far in the distance it may currently seem to be. Continue on the journey, step by step, until you can joyfully say, "I have arrived!"

Have you ever felt compelled to do something which is seemingly beyond comprehension? Reason and logic be damned, sometimes we are driven by a force which overrides our good sense, a force against which we appear helpless to resist. Though we may chastise ourselves, and endure the judgment of others, we seem to be drawn toward a choice, an action, or a partnership for which we may have no reasonable explanation. We only know that we must follow our inner promptings, for that which is driving us forward emanates from feeling, a deep inner knowing, if you will, that causes us to act in ways which may seem out of character.
 
Let us consider this possibility-----perhaps, we are acting on soul memory. Could it be that at one time, before we came into this life, we made some sort of agreement, the silent memory of which is now propelling us toward its fulfillment? Did we agree to be here for someone as a caretaker, a partner, or a teacher? Does there seem to be no sensible explanation for our involvement with a particular individual? Is there an unseen force nagging at us to quit a high-paying job and take up making pottery instead? The soul-memory scenarios can play out in many ways, yet their commonality exists in their urgent call to us from within.
 
The Universe works on the principle of dharma, the immutable law of order. We, too, experience individual dharma, which is conduct which conforms to this principle. Our dharma may include a duty or commitment which our conscious mind has long ago erased, but which our soul still remembers. This promise rests in the inner silence until such time as we are called upon to honor our pledge. Though we may try to drown out those concealed urgings, they will not be silenced until we have acknowleged and acted upon them. And, yes, this is where things may start to get sticky, for it is not unusual for friends, family, and even you yourself to react with incredulity at what may unfold.
 
More than once in life I have asked myself just why, against all reasoning, I have chosen to take a certain course of action. Though I might have come up with a list of justifications---or excuses---the truth of it is that I felt that, whatever it was at the time, it was something that I must do. Hopefully, once a soul obligation is met and completed, the dharma  will have been satisfied. Most likely, at various points along the way, there will be several such experiences of dharma at work in the lives of each of us.
 
Let us not question and punish ourselves unnecessarily when these soul memories call upon us. Rather, let us ask for guidance in dealing with that which we are required to do. May we be patient, calm, and steadfast in meeting our soul obligations, always remembering that we are simply being reminded of a promise we made long ago.
 

Mind clutter can be exhausting. We women are incredibly busy being wives, mothers, friends, caretakers, and career girls, continually performing fetes of mental and physical dexterity which are nothing less than heroic. With a constant to-do list rattling around in our heads, there exists for us a sense of ongoing distraction from matters to which we ought to be giving our full attention.

 

Mental organization can be very freeing. The unfettered mind is the mind which is fully engaged in the moment. I like to think of it as mental Feng Shui. When our mental chi is flowing correctly we notice a balance settling over our entire thinking process. No longer do we feel the ever-present angst which accompanies us everywhere. Those niggling little thoughts which we have carried in the backs of our minds cease to divert us as they once did.

 

Just how can we help ourselves to incorporate this mental Feng Shui into our lives? Well, there are some simple procedures which will aid in alleviating a great deal of that nagging mind clutter, and they will cost you nothing. I have used these methods for years and continue to rely on them to keep my myself organized and to free up my mental space for being in the present moment. Of course, they are not fool-proof. My mind can still race occasionally with all that is before me. However, when this happens, it helps me to still myself knowing that I have my "game plan" to fall back on.

 

So, here it is, an easy formula for organizing, and, hopefully, simplifying your mental process, as well as your life:

 

1. Write down your to-do list

Rather than trying to remember the horrifyingly long list of what needs to be done, try writing it all down. I like to make up a weekly list and break it up into the seven days of the week. This way I know just what I have to do on any given day, and can work things around other commitments. Nothing need be set in stone, and there is always flexibility to move something if I need to. Though this may sound OCD to some, in not having to continue to juggle thoughts of what I need to be doing (and when), my mind is left free to devote to other affairs. As a result, my level of mental fatigue is considerably lessened.

 

You can even make up your to-do's for this month, next month, or the whole year! This can really just be an organizational guideline to keep you on track, but do remember that we add power and intention when we take the time to write things down.

 

2. Keep a calendar of important dates  

In my life this is absolutely essential. I prefer a purse-size calendar which I can carry with me, but a permanent desk calendar is certainly better than none. My preference for a portable calendar allows me to always be at the ready, no matter where I am at any given time. Because I know that trusting my memory is not necessarily reliable, everything gets written down, including birthdays and anniversaries. (I have a relative who is exasperating in that she never writes anything down. As a result, she is continually clueless regarding her social "calendar." The fact is, if she would actually use a calendar and then follow up by referring to it, she wouldn't be blindsided every time an event rolls around.)

 

3. Finally, work your plan

It will do no good to make out lists and mark calendars without the followthrough of actually using them. Make it a regular part of your routine. Your life does not have to be controlled by them, merely guided. These are simply tools to assist in managing your time, and thus your life, more effectively, without the constant disruption of disorganized thought.

 

My sister used to joke that I made lists of my lists! Though that has never been the case, I have always made it a habit to commit things to paper. (Even ideas for writing get penned as soon as they come up. Otherwise, I am unlikely to count on recalling them in full at a later date.) All I can say is that my organizational methods have kept me sane, even while in the midst of seeming chaos.

 

Should you choose to incorporate this strategy on a regular basis, I assure you that it will be well worth it for its mind-calming effects. No one has to see any of what is written down but you. Keep a notebook handy, not only for your list-making, but anything else which you may wish to jot down. Empty your mind of all those mundane thoughts before they begin to agitate. After all, don't you have more important things to think about?

 

  

There's Always a Contingency Plan.....

 Every so often Life throws us the proverbial curve ball. It's that life event that comes, often quite unexpectedly, and for which we feel woefully unprepared. A spouse dies, a relationship ends, illness or unemployment come to visit. Such monumental changes can have a devastating impact on our psyche, not to mention the emotional turmoil which ensues. We feel lost, afraid, lonely, and often, completely inadequate. Our spiritual side may take a huge hit, with our faith wavering on the edge of the abyss.

 Is Compassion Killing You?

Almost all of us have had it at one time or another. That heavy, pressing malaise that descends over us, sometimes, seemingly, for no reason whatsoever. In reality, it is simply a part of the natural emotional ebb and flow of life. However, when, to any degree, we are visited by it far too frequently---or become firmly stuck in it--- our lives can become burdensome, with days spent in a kind of conscious stupor. Rather than denying that we have a problem, it is then that we must act in order to reclaim our lives.

 

In my twenties I went through a full year of depression, trying to sleep my life away when I wasn't at work or tending to some other responsibility. Sleep was a great escape (as I'm sure some of you have discovered), and, certainly, the amount of sleep that I was racking up was a pretty good indicator that I was in trouble. Even to this day, when hit with a big emotional blow, I immediately feel the urge to take to my bed. Fortunately, I now have managed to process things a bit differently, and---if sleep does enter the picture-- it is limited to a short nap or going to bed a little earlier. I no longer wish to lose precious time wallowing in the pit of despair, not when there are viable ways to help myself and so much in life to experience.

 

So what can we do to mitigate the effects of depression? We probably all know that exercise is a good beginning, since it cranks out those endorphins which kick our spirits up a notch. But there is so much else that we can do. For instance, (and these have been personally tested by yours truly) we can:

  Read or watch something inspiring

  Walk in nature and commune with the animals

  Feed our creative side

  Watch a funny movie

  Throw a party

  Go shopping (ok, this is, admittedly, a temporary fix, but enjoyable, nevertheless)

  Volunteer

  Work in the garden

  Plan time with our friends (there is nothing as uplifting as girl-time)

  Talk it out with someone we trust

In other words, do anything which will get us outside of ourselves.

 

Yes, you may have to push yourself to do any of these. In fact, it's probably alright to pull the covers over your head and suck your thumb (figuratively) for a little while, but don't allow yourself to make it a way of life. Fully succumbing to this on a continuing basis will only make you wearier and more removed from living a healthy, balanced, and fulfilling life.

 

So, what if nothing that you try works? Or, what if it does work, but not to the degree which brings you total---or, at least, sufficient---comfort? Let's say that you have also tried the natural remedies that we hear touted regularly. (Be aware that such remedies do not always solve the problem for everyone.) At this point, you may have exhausted your arsenal, and now what?

 

My advice is to seek the help of a professional, your doctor, a counselor, anyone qualified to help. In fact, you don't even need to wait to get to this point in the process to do that. Healing comes in many guises, and doctors and their medicines were put here to help, too. I would be the last one to advise heavy doses of anything, but, through my own experience, I can share with you that just a mild amount of the right remedy can make all the difference. One does not have to be medicated to the point of listlessness in order to enjoy the benefits of good medicine. If it does you no harm, and far more good, wouldn't it make sense to at least consider it?

 

Finally, in the course of aging, I have seen two things happen. Some individuals develop an age-related depression which they may not have had to cope with before. This is relatively common in seniors who face many life-altering changes at that time in life. On the other hand, through the advent of wisdom and maturity, others find themselves experiencing less depression, possibly due to better coping skills. And, of course, we women have always had to deal with the hormonal issue, not always a friend to our better nature.

 

The bottom line is, you don't have to remain immersed in darkness or confined to a self-imposed prison of despair. There are answers and there is help available. Reach out for it and begin again to participate joyously in life.

Whoever you are, wherever you are in your life, you can experience a resurrection of the spirit. You can undergo personal renewal and a new and better way of being. However far down life's ladder you find yourself now is how far up that same ladder you will travel yet again. The natural order of things is balance, and so it is that the scales of our lives will eventually swing back to a point of harmony and equilibrium.

However, we can, I believe, help this process along.
 

It is said that we are creatures of habit. Unfortunately, some of our worst habits exist in our words and in our minds. When you speak, are you speaking words of joy, appreciation, and abundance, or do you dwell on despair, criticism and lack? Do you constantly focus on missed opportunities---or the next misfortune which is likely to befall you---or do you, instead, pick up the mantle of hope and possibility?
 

We do ourselves (and others) a great disservice when we ignore the positive view under the guise of being a "realist." In doing so, we shut ourselves off from the good which could be ours, if only we would embrace and believe in it. It is an easy thing to abide in the negative, particularly if it has become an habitual way of life. Those who have accepted this for themselves are often blind to what they have allowed to overtake them. More is the pity, for they repeatedly quash that shining spirit within them which longs for upliftment.
 

However, just as we are able to change our outward habits through awareness and repetition, so can we can change the habits which reside in our thoughts and manner of speaking. This, of course, takes conscious and committed focus, as we allow our whole selves to absorb the new way of being. Naturally, the old ways will not give up without a struggle, but we must hold steadfast until those new and loftier traits are firmly established within us. We must consistently stand guard against the negativity which was our former life, and, instead, keep our new ways always in our sights.

Over time, we will see change beginning to appear ... at first, perhaps, subtlety. As we progress in these new found ways, greater life experiences will appear for us, for we will have drawn them through that greater Self which we have now embodied. I know this works, because I have done it. Long ago putting this process into motion, I went from a place of physical and emotional pain and struggle to an unimagined personal resurrection. Through laying the groundwork as I have described, my life was forever changed, thus setting me on the path which I have followed to this day. It is a process which gains momentum the longer it is practiced. It is not one of blind and unrealistic expectation, but rather one grounded in the prospects of personal fulfillment.
 

At this most hopeful time of year I wish you all the gift of spiritual renewal. It is within you waiting to be reborn. It is possible and it is your right as a child of the Great Spirit.

Can we really make our own luck? I believe that, to a certain extent, we can. Through our choices, thoughts, words, and actions we set a course for ourselves which can either bring reward or punishment. In ways both great and small, we can change the tenor of our lives through our impulsive (and sometimes regrettable) choices, alter our destiny through our negative thinking, and erect unneeded roadblocks through thoughtless actions and angry, retaliatory rhetoric.

 

I have seen this played out again and again in the lives of friends and family. I have also observed the result of it in my own life. There are situations in which we find ourselves that might have been allowed to open new and expansive vistas to us, had we only handled matters differently at the time. Had we only been more patient, not flown off the handle, or chosen our words more carefully, things may have turned out a bit better for us, and, certainly, more to our liking. We may have been able to mend that relationship, secure that coveted position, or have that experience of a lifetime if we had taken a more thoughtful and positive approach, free of the  damaging influence of negative emotion.

 

The old adage "You can attract more bees with honey" was coined for a reason. It is a consistent truth that you attract more of what's good about life (including people who could be helpful and loving toward you) if you yourself are a positive thinker, a kind and loving individual, and a fair and reliable friend. Generosity of spirit counts in this life. Measured words can be a good thing.

 

Look around you---is it the complainers in life that seem to have all the luck? Are they the ones surrounded by a full contingency of adoring friends and people rushing to their aid at every turn? How wonderful are the lives of those for whom poor choices are a customary habit? And how different might the life experience be for those who repeatedly trip themselves up? Might we say that their luck has changed once they take that higher road and begin to produce a different result in their lives?

 

Now, observe the lives of those whom you hold in high esteem. Is it possible that there may be some direct correlation between how they live and the "luck" with which they seem to be blessed? Do they regularly keep to a moral, ethical, and spiritual code, while employing behavior which would be considered not only positive, but, perhaps, even exemplary?We are told that like seeks like, and surely these same people appear to be shining examples of this simple law of life. Many may call it luck, but chances are that it did not come without some mental equivalent on the part of the receiver.

 

So it is with all of us. The Universe is far more apt to compensate us for our well-intended efforts. Conversely, It can also quash our good fortune, the latter in direct response to whatever poor choices we might foolishly make. Of course, we do sometimes make those choices out of ignorance. Unfortunately, the Universe's response seldom takes this into consideration. If you jam your finger into a light socket, either intentionally or accidentally, you're going to get electrocuted all the same.

 

There will be times when, although we've attended to our homework and done what we think are all the "right " things, results do not seem to be forthcoming. Take heart. It could be a matter of timing, or it could be that there is some life lesson or experience which we are destined to play a part in first. Whatever detours we encounter should not permanently deter us from making our largest efforts---in thought, word, and deed--- an ingrained part of our way of doing and being. Be your highest and best in every way you know how. Luck will find you, for you will be as a shining magnet for good. Know it, feel it, expect it.

Ah, love. It is both the joy of our lives and the bane of our existence. Yet, most of us continue to seek it out in all its many forms. At the top of the list, that most special relationship which we can call our one-and-only. That person who makes our hearts sing (and who can most easily throw us into a tailspin with their bad behavior). It's the one with whom we possess that heart connection which transcends all logic. There is no explaining love. Love simply is.

 

So, why is it that we spend so much time thinking about love, seeking it, even writing songs and flowery poems about it? Of course, it is a basic human need, an emotion which must be satisfied within every individual. Nevertheless, it seems that we spend an exorbitant amount of time looking for love, when, perhaps, we should be letting it find us.

 

It is a basic law of the Universe that in grasping for our desire, injecting it with our fear and worry, and generally never turning loose of it, that we somehow push that which we want ever farther away from us. What if we simply relaxed into the knowing that at the right time and in the right way that special someone will cross our path and our destiny will be forever changed? This knowing is, in and of itself, a sort of continuing affirmation. And, it has been said, too, that the act of knowing goes beyond even prayer, in that it assumes that that which we want is already done. It is, in fact, a feeling far more than an intellectual concept. It is something which we know in our hearts, not in our heads. When we accept this knowing at the deepest possible level, our entire being resonates with joy. It is then that we truly know, without a doubt, that we have set something powerful into motion.

 

Make no mistake, development of your "Knowing Self" will take some time. Just as with the establishment of a new habit, the longer you hold those knowing thoughts, the more ingrained they will become. Trust that in this process you will be guided to that which is for you. Let this new way of being act as a powerful magnet to attract that which perfectly suits your needs. Go about your life and be open to any subtle promptings which may be out of the norm. It could be the Universe urging you toward your desire.

 

Though it may be a possibility (anything's possible!), it probably isn't a good idea to stay locked up in your house expecting Cupid to show up at your doorstep. No, you have to put yourself out there in life. Stay busy and involved and keep your heart open. I've said it many times---the Universe expects us to do our part. Work with it and it will work with you. As always, walk in faith and trust what you are given to do, even if it may not make since at the time.

 

The inspired metaphysician Ernest Holmes once said of this knowing "force" (and I am paraphrasing here) that "...we should not be surprised when it works but when it does NOT work." I don't know about you, but those sound like pretty good odds to me.

In this new year some---or, perhaps, many---of you have resolved to live a better, more fulfilling, and happier 2012. For those few who may feel that life is perfect just as it is, though the rest of us may be a tad bit envious, we plan to continue grasping for that brass ring, nevertheless.

 

 Life seems to unfold in chapters. Just because your story started out badly doesn't necessarily mean that it will end up that way. Your life is a continuing journey from one experience to the next. The plan is that we learn and grow from each part of that journey so that we can wisely plan our next step. Of course, we are not in control of everything. In fact, the most that we can really hope to have control over (if "control" is, in fact, the right word) is ourselves in this very moment. This is not to say that we should not do our very best to create the kind of life which will fulfill us. In doing so, we must be honest and act with integrity toward ourselves and others. We must stand up for ourselves when necessary, and know when to back off a losing proposition. And, we must trust our gut.

 

Sometimes what our gut tells us is very much out of sync with the message we are receiving from our head. Our cognitive self will inevitably analyze something to death, often leaving us with no palpable answers and a throbbing headache, to boot. Gut feeling is usually where the truth of the matter lies. And know this---it may be telling you something that is in direct opposition to what seems the logical answer. It may be telling you something different from what friends and family are saying. It may be infusing you with a feeling which flies in the face of perceived reality. If you trust what your gut is giving you, then go with it. Even if you stumble, you, hopefully, have learned something.

 

But how do we learn to trust that gut instinct which so often serves as both protector and protagonist? First of all, recognize it as that "feeling" which simply won't go away. It is a knowing which surpasses physical perception, and which screams out to us from the depths of our being. It is something that, when unheeded, causes us to feel out of balance and untrue to ourselves. It is that which calls for our highest and best, even if that means that we must first walk over hot coal to obtain it.

 

If we don't overanalyze, and can succeed in getting our trust mechanism into gear, we just may be whisked along to a most right and proper outcome. And, yes, that may mean that we get what we need rather than what we think we want. Trust the process without too much judgment, if possible. Try not to get hung up on right and wrong, good and bad. Use each day as a building block toward your future, always keeping in mind those things which you wish to experience (i.e. joy, love, abundance, a terrific relationship, a promising career, etc.) You don't have to name a specific person or job, or even how any of your other "good" might come to you. Again, trust the process, and work from your inner knowing. Be willing to act, when needed. The Universe will take care of the rest.

Thankfulness----'tis the season. This is the time of year when we are expected  to reflect on all that we have to be grateful for. A wise aunt once admonished me (when I complained about all I thought I lacked) that it was far better, instead, to focus on one's blessings, as the list of what's right in life usually  outdistances the list of what isn't. She was correct, of course, and I always try to remember her advice when things get tough. Making up that thankfulness list each time is a humbling process, without a doubt.

 

Over the years, as I have given more and more thought to the whole thankfulness issue, I can truly admit that some of those things for which I wasn't initially thankful have now made it to the ever-expanding thankfulness list. There is no question, some of life's less savory "blessings" have proven the greatest turning points in my life. Life lessons that may have flattened me at the time have been invaluable building blocks to later---and far better---experiences, and for that I say a rousing "Thank You!"

 

Actually, it is my opinion that thankfulness possesses a fairly broad scope. We can be thankful for the support of a wonderful family, or thankful that we live 2000 miles away from a dysfunctional one. We can be grateful for our perfect health, or grateful that we had that check-up which unexpectedly started us on the journey toward regaining it. That which we are now thankful for may have once been something which we railed against. Regardless of our circumstances, when we stop to count all the blessings in our own lives---even the seemingly insignificant ones---we can almost always see how the positive aspects drown out the negative.

 

One of the exercises which I was required to perform when taking metaphysical classwork was to make a detailed list of all those attributes about myself for which I was thankful. Once I overcame the urge to be modest (something which then actually ended up on the thankfulness list), I was surprised at just how many things about Melinda that I actually felt blessed by.

 

And today, when I make up the list of those people for whom I am thankful, I don't just lump them together under the headings "friends" and "family." Rather, I list them as the unique and wonderful individuals they are. Getting a visual of the sheer number of loved ones who support you in life has a much greater impact on one's psyche, to be sure.

 

So jump on that pen and paper and start your own thankfulness list. Post it where you can see it every day, and, by all means, update and edit as needed. And, when those days come that you are feeling at the end of your tether, counting all you are blessed with might just be the one thing that pulls you through.

 

May this holiday season bring more blessings than your hearts can hold!

Is It Assertiveness or Aggression?

 

Many years ago I attended a class---strictly for women---on how to be effectively assertive. We learned, among other priceless tidbits, that there is a very real difference between assertiveness and aggression. Up until that time I had not really considered that they were not one in the same. Needless to say, those few hours of enlightenment were a tremendous eye-opener which forever armed me with an invaluable tool for successful communication. (This is not to say that I don't sometimes fall short in my attempts to opt for clear cut assertiveness, but at least I now know the difference.)

Aggression, you see, is often tinged with anger, sarcasm, or accusatory overtones. In other words, it's both offensive and off putting, instantly placing on the defensive the person to whom it is directed. Aggressive words target the other party, usually with a laundry list of "YOU did this and YOU did that!"

Rather than disabling its subject, aggression is often a self-defeating act causing the individual on the receiving end to react with rage rather than understanding.

Assertiveness is not only the preferred approach, but, if I may say so, the "gentler" one, as well. Instead, it relies upon the expression of how one feels about a situation (or person or behavior). For example, instead of yelling insults at your spouse or partner regarding their less-than-stellar habits, try saying something like : "I feel_____(sad, angry, irritated, threatened, etc.) when you say (or do) that." In this way you come from a point of feeling, placing part of the responsibility upon yourself without necessarily putting the other person on the hotseat. 

The assertive approach can assist in avoiding an otherwise unpleasant confrontation, and the resultant tempestuous exchange. (That is, assuming, of course, that the person you are dealing with is a relatively rational individual. As we know, not everyone is, but we'll save discussion of that for another article.)

Aggression is nerve shattering and divisive. Assertiveness is honest and controlled. Which do you suppose is more likely to build a bridge when storms rage within a relationship? If you want to have any chance of really being heard, then come from a place which reflects how you think and feel about whatever it is that concerns you. Don't accuse, don't point fingers (literally or figuratively), and try to keep your cool as you express your needs and feelings as calmly and as firmly as possible.

Hopefully, this will pave the way for dialogue, not derision. Try it and see if you don't get a response which differs from the norm. If nothing else, handling yourself assertively may disarm those who are not accustomed to your new way of "dealing." And wouldn't that be nice?

 

 

Normally, I do not struggle over the topic for each month's article. As a rule, it is somehow just "presented" to me, and everything else seems to flow from there. So it was again when I received the recent call that my elderly father had passed away in California. He was 93, it was not completely unexpected, yet, since he had two older sisters still living (and doing exceptionally well at the ages of 95 and 98), we thought that maybe Dad would beat the odds. It wasn't to be.
 
Everyone deals with loss in their own unique way. Some things are universal to us all. Like the initial feeling of disbelief. This is where I am, further compounded by the fact that I am currently (as I have been for the last nine years) living on one coast, while most of my family remains on the other. I know that were I there at this moment I would inevitably be drawn into the emotions that are running rampant so many miles west of me. Here in my quiet home among the North Carolina woods I can at least embrace my disbelief for the time being, knowing that when I get on that plane in a few days all that will be set aside.
 
I have long believed that this phase of disbelief is an important one, serving as a temporary protective shield to those of us who are left behind. It somehow allows us to walk through that which lies before us without coming apart entirely. In some strange way, we are given added strength to do what we must do, thus postponing the real grieving process until such time as we can do so privately.
 
For me, the real grieving has sometimes not begun until well after the loss of a loved one. Then, suddenly, one day, there it is---the tears, the deep sadness, the wrenching sobs. I used to question why I so often managed to avoid all of this behavior while everyone else around me seemed to be in emotional disarray. Perhaps it is because I possess a very deep belief in the continuation of each individual soul that I am, in some small way, equipped to handle the profusion of feelings which immediately follow a death. Now I just accept it as my own innate way of responding to this most mysterious of life's transitions.
 
Most certainly, grief has its own timeline. We can never predict how long it will last in all its intensity. All we can do is go with it, work through it, and not let it consume us. Then, one day we have our epiphany, and at that point, things begin to change. After my husband's death five years ago, I knew I had turned the corner when I woke up one day singing. I do not remember how long he had been gone-----perhaps a year----but I knew then that I was beginning to heal.
 
We serve no one, least of all ourselves, by hugging our grief to us long after the time that we should have let it go. My wise and mystic grandmother always warned that, in grieving beyond our time, we inevitably tether our departed loved ones to us, preventing them from fully advancing to that place where they now need to be. This is something which I have never forgotten, and have shared it many times over with those seeking to nurture their grief rather than set it free.
 
The amazing resilience of human nature is that it is inherently biased toward healing, on all levels. We can and will surmount loss if we but allow ourselves to do so. We can and will love again. We will heal.

"Intention organizes its own fulfillment"

I came across this quote not long ago, though I have since forgotten who so wisely said it. Perhaps it was our own Hans King, perhaps I had saved it from some book read eons ago. Regardless of its origin, the message is profound. It speaks to us of the incredible power of directed thought. We are not speaking of random thought, of unorganized or scattered thought, but rather of conscious thought focused like a laser in the manifestation of its desire.
 
A common metaphysical belief is that everything which is, in one form or another, first began in thought. All that which we now enjoy (or are irritated by) in our modern world first began as an idea. However, without intention, that idea would never have turned into a cell phone, an airplane, or the words which you are now reading on your computer screen. Intention gathers the energy, the resources, the knowledge, and all the other factors needed in transforming an abstract concept into tangible reality. Intention can produce a life circumstance or a car, a fulfilling existence or a tropical vacation.
 
So how does this apply to us? Well, most of us will never find a cure for cancer or develop the next space shuttle. However, we can use the power of intention to address those areas which are important in our own lives. Do you yearn to be a size eight, when you are, in fact, a size fourteen? Is your goal in life to own your own home? Or to be a doctor? A model? A veterinarian? Do you center your attention on that which you truly want, or do you simply wish for that certain something to happen?
 
Wishing does not carry with it the power and emotion involved in making dreams into reality. Merely wishing is, instead, a passive approach to creating that which we envision. In other words, it lacks the "oomph" factor needed to demonstrate the longed for result.
 
Rather, we must actively infuse the creation process with our intense desire. Even if we do not know how to proceed at first, this desire and the focus of our intent will serve as a platform for the rest of that process to unfold. As possibilities are then presented to us, we can make those choices which will best serve us in the longterm.
 
Complacency is not an option if one's intention is to be fulfilled. As always, the Universe expects us to also act on our own behalf. As things begin to fall into place (a direct result of the intention process), we will be expected to engage, both mentally and physically. I bring up the mental element only because it is not unusual for us to short circuit our
desires once they truly begin to manifest. We must keep feelings of fear and unworthiness at bay if we are to realize success. Many a goal has been undermined through the detouring of intent.
 
Anyone can harness the power of intention. Just for fun, try it out on the small things in life first.  There is no better way to convince oneself than firsthand experience and a successful outcome. 

Insecurity can be crippling. At it's worst, it can interfere with our relationships, undermine our sense of self-worth, and keep us from our life's purpose. It rears its ugly head in a variety of circumstances,  sometimes catching us totally off-guard. For some of us, insecurity is simply an everyday fact of life.
 
Along with fear, the burden of insecurity can be one of the most immobilizing forces that we, as individuals, face. Insecurity---like fear--- is insidious, coming up for us again and again, often just about the time that we have convinced ourselves that we've finally overcome it. Think you've got the insecurity lesson licked? Think again, for the Universe will most surely give you the opportunity to face it just one more time.
 
We with issues of insecurity must repeatedly push past our anxiety and self-doubt to perform in ways that may not be a challenge to others. She who is insecure inevitably expends a great deal of energy in the worry/fear mode. " Will I be good enough? What if I make a mistake? Will he leave me? What will THEY think?" Frankly, unless it's someone such as your spouse or your boss, THEY are probably so busy going about their own lives that they're paying very little attention to yours.
 
There was a time in my life when I thought I could never appear in public without full makeup and my hair at least relatively well-arranged. Even a quick trip to the corner store called for a coat of lipstick and a dose of mascara. For most other occasions, shoes, handbag, and nail polish had to match, lest someone should consider me anything less than fashionable. Appearance was one of my biggest insecurities.
Fortunately, I have relaxed somewhat in this area. Yes, I still like to dress "to the nines", when called for, but I can now run into a store looking less than glamorous and not feel self-conscious. Recently, I went into a hardware store wearing absolutely no makeup. (Afterall, if you can't do that in a hardware store, then where can you?) People still smiled at me, the clerk still greeted me warmly, and---as far as I know--no one pointed and stared. Now, this may seem like a very small thing to some, but for me it was a big step. Not only was I proud of myself for pulling it off, but, in my mind, it somehow made a very public statement. That is that I CAN be myself---the real woman under the makeup---and, hopefully, not be so absorbed in being judged by others.
 
Overcoming insecurity is another one of those inside jobs. It takes practice and some degree of fortitude  to trudge through your own personal minefield of issues. There is no easy fix, no magic pill, there is just doing it. Start by writing down all those areas you'd like to address, and then list the ways in which you can tackle each of them. You may have heard this somewhere before, but I will say it again....there is GREAT power in writing things down. Not only does it focus, direct , and organize your thought, but it sends a very vital signal of your intention. Intention cannot be stressed enough, for it sends the message to both your higher conscience and the Universe that you, indeed, mean business.
 
Remember, this is another one of those processes that will likely take some time. Just know that any changes you make, no matter how small at first, will instill in you that little bit of assurance which bumps you up to the next step in your journey.
 
So, get out and get going. Stop questioning yourself. Pump up your potential and create a more fulfilled and confident YOU.  I guarantee you will not be sorry for your efforts. In fact, you may be amazed. Most certainly, you will gain a sense of pride that you may not now possess....with or without makeup!

I once had an eccentric aunt whose favorite (and frequent) expression was that all she ever wanted in life was her own way. Being the single-minded character that she was, she very often got it, though the results of her efforts sometimes brought her more grief than joy.
 
Certainly, like my aunt, personal will can produce much in one's life. Frankly, without the human will we would be in a sorry state, indeed. However, we can sometimes carry the issue of will a bit too far. This is somewhat akin to the old saying, "Be careful what you pray for". You may very well get what you want (sometimes only through shear determination), only to find that it comes with a very high pricetag. You get the man, but it turns out he's married. The job you just had to have is yours, but the boss is a nightmare. You want your son to be a doctor and he wants to be a florist. (Not only that,  but because you pushed so hard for that doctorate, he ends up being a florist who no longer speaks to you.) No doubt you have some of your own examples of the use of will gone awry. I know I do.
 
Rather than allowing our will to rule us, we need to be wise in it's use. Perhaps that handsome hunk whom we are pining over isn't the right one. Maybe the right one is just around the corner. Instead of forcing a situation which is not in our best interest, we can take pressure off ourselves by relaxing into an attitude of faith and trust. Let us use our will to produce results in those areas which are clearly for us.
 
Because we can't possibly see the bigger picture as Spirit sees it, we take a very limited view of our possibilities. In doing so, we think (quite mistakenly) that what is available is only that which we can see in front of us. We must remember that there is much, much more in the unseen world which is currently in the process of manifestation. In not trying to "push the river" we free up the forces of Good to unfold scenarios which we could never have dreamed of. How many times have we all looked back on something which we had at one time wanted, seeing in retrospect how very fortunate we were not to have gotten it? And, is it not the case that often this seeming disappointment was later followed by the appearance of something or someone far better and more suited to our needs? As so often happens, our answers come after we have "given up" and stopped fighting the uphill struggle. Would that we could take that attitude from the outset---we would save ourselves the tense burden of feeling that we have to literally make things happen all on our own.
 
How can we know if we are using our will incorrectly? My favorite trick is to ask for a sign. Not just any sign, but one which you can clearly understand, one which will be unmistakable to you. Then be ready, for you will most assuredly receive your sign. Be open to understanding its meaning, even if it doesn't produce the answer you want. Should that be the case, maybe it's time for alittle less will and alittle more trust. Trust in the Invisible and Its magnificent plan for you. After all, what better way to merge with your new life experience than being led by the loving hand of Spirit?

Aging....that one common malady to which none of us is immune. Having just reached a milestone that I never imagined for myself---the age of sixty--I can say with some degree of satisfaction that I am, indeed, grateful for the latest news trumpeting the fact that "sixty is the new fifty". Perhaps this little tidbit has lessened the aging blow to some degree, but I suspect that the underlying reason that I am not slugging down antidepressant is simply that I cannot relate to the number which has been assigned to me. After all, I feel no different than I did the day BEFORE this birthday, when I was still a relatively "young" 59. I still look the same, act the same, and feel the very same inside. Acting younger than my age is something I have aspired to for some time, and, even as I enter my "sunset" years, I have no plan to set that aspect of myself aside. I make no excuses for this, nor do I intend to act and dress in a pathetically inappropriate manner for my age. (And, yes, I do realize that one's perception of what is appropriate is entirely subjective.)

Frankly, the so-called "reality" of aging is lost on me. In my world, age is just an abstract and arbitrary designation, something which humans have conjured up to define their existence. Unfortunately, it has ended up defining us as individuals, as well. Is there ever anything written about a person without age being mentioned? We are literally obsessed by it. You have, no doubt, heard the quote, "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"

Well, what age would you choose? Close your eyes and ask yourself just how old you really feel, and be honest. No one is listening but you.

Personally, I see aging as an inside job. Sure, over time things happen on the outside, but we actually can modify a great deal of that through our thinking, our behavior, and our habits. Think thoughts of ill health or "oh-my-god-I'm-going -to-be......" (just fill in the blank), and watch how the psyche responds. Convince yourself that you're starting down that slippery slope called "growing old", and eventually your body will respond, too. Much of the aging experience has to do with our attitude toward it. We don't have to give in or give up, we just have to keep moving forward with the same wonder and enthusiasm of our youth.
It's an interesting thing that turning 40, 50, and 60 really never fazed me. Turning 30 sent me into a tailspin. I can only guess that one of the advantages of added years is lessened anxiety about those things which we have no control over. And, I suppose, a gradual realization that aging does not have to detract from one's life, but rather serve as an enhancement to it. I can't turn back the clock, but I can certainly prodceed forward with the intention of living life to the fullest.

The concept of growing old does not exist for me, and, in times past, I have often wondered why. That is, until a very wise person explained it all in just a few brief but profound words. What was the message? "The Spirit within us never ages." So simple, so comforting, and so very true.